Twenty-Second Post: Guest Blog for Kayla Lords

I’ve written a guest blog for Kayla Lord’s website about squirting. 

Kayla and I met at Eroticon and we ate lunch together which for me was a moment of secondary-school-sit-with-us-at-lunch-type acceptance. Except we talked about squirting. I was inspired to write this blog for her, which describes an experience I had some years ago. 

A huge thank you to Kayla for publishing this blog. You can follow her on Twitter or check out the rest of her website for some really hot reading. 

Read my post here.

Twelfth Post – Happy Birthday Porn Protest!

A year ago we assembled at Old Palace Yard in Westminster to protest against the changes in the law banning certain sexual acts 

The Audiovisual Media Services Regulations 2014 which bans sex involving using bondage and/or gags, fisting, facesitting, urination, female ejaculation and spanking or caning beyond moderation was brought into effect on 1st December 2014 – without any public consultation. 

On 12th December 2014 we gathered together to show our frustrations, to meet other like minded people and to whip up a media frenzy to raise awareness of the suppression of sexual and creative freedoms within independent pornography. I covered the event in my blog last year.

In the following months I interviewed Courtney Trouble and Jiz Lee for a small series of posts on the changes in legislation called Criminal Behaviours and wrote a guest blog on consent for a Girl on the Net. It formed a huge part of my writing in the past year, and when I got the email from Charlotte Rose announcing a second protest I cleared my Saturday afternoon and dug out my warmest jumper for more activism in the cold.

Exactly one year on, we gathered back together in the same place to show our solidarity and defiance against the threat to our sexual freedom.

Charlotte Rose, organiser of both Porn Protest 2014 and 2015, is keen to raise as much public awareness as possible on the changing laws.

“If we stop fighting, the next generation will have nothing left to protect,” she explains.

“The excuse of ‘protect the children’ is the only reasoning that the government claim, yet all children that want further information about sex are being denied this education in school.”

The Internet provides a resource to learn about anything you could think of, but when it becomes the only method to learn about sex this warps our understanding of a fundamental human impulse. Both young people and adults stand to suffer if we remain silent about sex and let erotic entertainment perpetuate misconceptions about sexual expression. 
 Charlotte Rose adds “the attack on consensual activities is growing. If we don’t do something now we will be put into sexual oppression and no government has the right to take your personal liberties away!”
There were speeches from key players in the fight against the legislation at the protest, such as Jerry Barnett from Sex and Censorship, Jane Fae of Backlash and obscenity lawyer Myles Jackman. We also heard from representatives from the NHS, a plethora of sex workers and a women’s sexuality group which had not existed this time last year. It was inspiring and galvanising to witness speeches from these men and women.

Pandora Blake, who was present at last year’s protest, is an erotic artist, producing, directing and performing in films featuring spanking – illegal since December 2014. She has been a visible public advocate of sexual expression since, had sent a message from her holiday to be read out at the protest.
Pandora’s website, Dreams of Spanking, was shut down in August 2015. We spoke before the protest about her experiences in the past year. 

“When the regulations came in I wasn’t sure how they would play out in practice. Sometimes vaguely worded or ill-thought out laws are brought in, but not actively enforced. However, the enforcement was far swifter, and more heavy handed, than I expected.”

During the several months of investigation, with the support from Backlash and Myles Jackman, Pandora fougaht the actions every step of the way. The final decision was given in August and the website was taken offline. Pandora remembers being informed of the investigation swiftly after appearing on a panel on pornography for BBC Radio 4 Women’s Hour. 

“It seems likely that my public criticism of the new regulations brought me to ATVOD’s attention,” she concludes.

“Many of my fellow pornographers who distribute similar work depicting spanking that leaves lasting marks have not yet been contacted, so it’s hard not to see it as political censorship.”

This targeting reflects a growing concern that it isn’t about the content, but how we publicly express our rights to sexual freedom. Pornography is only the first step on a much more sinister journey to suppress freedom of speech. Encouraging people to speak out against restrictions on UK pornography is problematic in that barely anybody will admit they consume any kind of erotic media. 

It is important to keep having these conversations, with as many people you feel comfortable with, to make as many people as possible aware of how online expression is being affected. We cannot leave it to porn producers and sex workers to fight for our rights as consumers of online media. This has the potential to affect everybody, and you know you will miss it if (/when) it goes.

Follow Charlotte Rose on Twitter, check out Sex and Censorship and Backlash‘s websites and join the conversation.

Sixth Post – Newly Single

I broke up with Sir.

It started one rainy afternoon on Googlechat. Sir told me he wanted to sleep with someone else in a vanilla way. His girlfriend had approved this arrangement, as long as it was ok with me. I was not asked, I was told in a fit of excitement about the new toy that was soon to be enjoyed. Suffice to say I was not as excited. I didn’t want things to change. We discussed it, reaching a stalemate on the matter. A week later I ended it. 

I am now a submissive without an owner. 
We’re still trying to be friends, but there are times where he wants to talk about how he’s now started to top this new girl and I try to be cool and want to know, but I soon regret it and want to yell rude words and hit stuff.

Actually, I want to be hit. 

I still want to be hit by Sir. I miss the headspace it provided for me. The quiet when I could stop thinking about things and just feel the sensations that were being inflicted on my body. I miss the pleasure of it. I miss the adrenaline and the sweat and the hedonistic rush of violence and sex and anger and sweet agonised release. I miss the aftercare of cuddles and then showers while the other sits on the bathroom floor, followed by cups of tea and video games.

I miss the intimacy of our arrangement. The way he would get turned on by the slightest glance, the way I could look at him and he would itch to wrap his fingers around my throat. I miss the details of our stop words, the weeks and months we spent negotiating our limits and what we wanted to do to each other. These conversations feel like insults when I remember them.

These acts are only deliciously, transgressively hot if there is a foundation of trust. When Sir told me about how excited he was to sleep with this new girl and how awesome his girlfriend was for letting him add her to his list of women he could sleep with, I could not find myself in his enthusiasm. The trust we had worked so hard to build had fractured with this one conversation. I get my kicks by being told that I don’t matter to Sir. I started to feel like I didn’t matter enough, and so I got out.

I can bear to be fragile when I’m being played with; that’s because I can say when I’ve had enough and I get a cuddle. And an orgasm. 
This particular exercise in pain and humiliation comes without safe words. Writing helps; the next chapter is on its way.

Criminal Behaviours – Ban This Sick Filth

So I’m a little late to the party, but this totally merits blogging about:

There is a compilation of all recently banned acts available to enjoy. American producers Courtney Trouble and Kitty Stryker have joined forces with UK producer Pandora Blake to create Ban This Sick Filth; part-documentary, part sex tape response to the changes in UK law.

Think of it as a sexumentary.

“A compilation of films and interviews on porn censorship and its impact in the UK and USA, “Ban This Sick Filth!” is a political and sexual revolution.” – Ban This Sick Filth

DVD_wrap_templateI recently featured Courtney Trouble and Kitty Stryker in my blog on female ejaculation. Trouble mentioned this project in her interview and its fantastic to see it is now a reality. The project is available to either download or own on DVD.

Pandora Blake has also released this video blog, featured on the compilation, which outlines the changes in the law and how it affects her as a fetish porn producer in the UK. It is well worth a watch. A written account of her involvement in the project is also available here.

“This is the sort of resistance I like best: rebelling against censorship by deliberately distributing banned material, combined with fundraising and education about the issues.”– Pandora Blake

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This response communicates how resilient, creative and eloquent producers in the porn industry are. These laws affect the kinky, queer and feminist film makers way more than the dreaded mainstream hardcore porn makers. It is great to see how we can argue our case for accessible, sex-positive porn, which embraces all niches in a safe sane and consensual way.

Ban This Sick Filth beautifully demonstrates how we can effectively communicate our point of view, as well as demonstrate how much fun these fully consensual acts can be.

Ban This Sick Filth is available to buy via this link.

Follow Courtney Trouble, Kitty Stryker and Pandora Blake on Twitter.